


Here We Are (In This Big Old Empty Room)

by builtacathedral



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (as in a passing mention of Jay and Louis' grief at that time), Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kissing, M/M, Mentioned Freddie Tomlinson, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Non-Penetrative Sex Toys, Past Louis Tomlinson/Danielle Campbell - Freeform, Rutting, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 11:57:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11104110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/builtacathedral/pseuds/builtacathedral
Summary: “Stop, stop, alright?” His voice is thick with desperation, like he’s begging, and he finally gets to where Liam’s sitting and pushes the drawer closed, the loud clap of wood hitting against wood startling them both. He sees the contents of the drawer rattle around as the drawer slides and his face continues to heat in absolute mortification that rats him out. “I don’t have your card, obviously.” His voice is steadily softening. “Just take mine,” He mumbles, grabbing at his leather wallet resting on top and sliding his debit card out of it’s pocket, setting it down flat.Or: Liam stumbles upon a drawer Louis' been keeping closed, until now.





	Here We Are (In This Big Old Empty Room)

**Author's Note:**

> This is just absolutely self-indulgent in every way, and also setting the groundwork for me to continue to write amazingly self-indulgent lilo kink in this au. So, with that being said, enjoy!
> 
> Thank you so, so much to the lovely [ Hayley ](http://yeshaddyido.tumblr.com) for allowing me to talk about this incessantly, and for always being a lovely beta. Any remaining mistakes or unnecessarily long sentences are all on me!
> 
> Title is from Bruno Mars' song Our First Time

Louis wakes up to the heavy noise of boots clomping on his bedroom carpet and the rustle of a jacket. He’s laying on his stomach, cheek smushed into the pillow and the crook of his elbow, and when he lifts his head he has to squint, because the L.A. sunshine is no match for his bedroom curtains, and it’s hard to see for a moment. 

His head throbs while he adjusts to the light, and Liam comes into focus, ready for the day; he’s got a blue denim jacket slung over his shoulders, something plain colored underneath, and a pair of blue jeans on, and Louis knows without looking he’s wearing his new leather boots. His hair is already styled for the day, the long hair on top dried straight and away from his face, and he’s got his brows furrowed, rustling through things on the other bedside table quietly. 

“What’re you doing?” Louis croaks, his mouth fuzzy and throat dry, and Liam looks up, startled.

“I needed to head to the shops,” He says, his words sharp with frustration, “but I can’t find my card.” 

“Oh.” Louis starts to unfurl from his sleeping position, rolling over onto his back and letting his arms unfold fully, stretching across the pillows. “Where’d you have it last?”

Liam huffs. “If I knew I’d have it, wouldn’t I? I thought it was in my wallet…” He pulls the drawers open one by one for the bedside table situated on his side of the bed, displacing a few items as he goes. There’s not much in Liam’s drawers, considering he’d only started staying at Louis’ consistently about four weeks ago, so he’s done searching quickly, shutting the last drawer with more force than necessary. Louis’ brows furrow. 

“No need to be so snippy,” Louis snipes, sitting up, his spine stretching as he does so. “If anything, I should be the snippy one, considering I’ve been woken up!” He hops out of bed then, body rushing with the adrenaline of irritation, and pads to the en suite, Liam getting on his stomach to check underneath the bed. 

Louis catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he heads for the toilet, and the bad mood he’s quickly being propelled in is obvious on his face; his facial muscles tense and schooled in a scowl, so he tries to relax as he takes his morning piss, and by the time he’s shaken himself dry and stands in front of the mirror to wash his face, he’s satisfied with his expression. 

He squeezes a good dollop of cleanser on his hand, scrubbing over his face quickly, the water so cold it makes his hands go numb but wakes him up the rest of the way. After, he pats his face dry with the hand towel he keeps hanging by the sink and heads back into the bedroom, pushing the pieces of fringe that had gotten wet off of his forehead. 

When he comes back into the bedroom Liam is kneeled on the floor in front of the bedside table by Louis’ side, and even though Liam’s back is obstructing Louis’ view, he still feels his blood run cold. 

“Why the fuck are you going through my shit?” He practically shouts, his heartbeat speeding up. “Of course I don’t have your bloody fucking card, it’s probably-” He’s approaching Liam fast, blood pressure rising fast, heart racing in panic.

Liam startles at the yelling and twists his torso around, his face twisted in guilt. As soon as Louis sees his expression he feels himself deflate, blood rushing to his cheeks in embarrassment.

“Stop, stop, alright?” His voice is thick with desperation, like he’s begging, and he finally gets to where Liam’s sitting and pushes the drawer closed, the loud clap of wood hitting against wood startling them both. He sees the contents of the drawer rattle around as the drawer slides and his face continues to heat in absolute mortification that rats him out. “I don’t have your card, obviously.” His voice is steadily softening. “Just take mine,” He mumbles, grabbing at his leather wallet resting on top and sliding his debit card out of it’s pocket, setting it down flat. 

Liam wrings his hands for a moment before clambering up into a standing position. “Sorry.” He murmurs finally. “I wouldn’t- It was an accident. I didn’t even think anything about it.” 

Louis can’t do anything but look at him helplessly, his chest squeezing like he’s going to cry from embarrassment. “Yeah, I know.” He relents, chewing on one of his nails nervously. He wants to say more but his thoughts are racing a mile a minute, so instead he makes awkward eye contact with Liam before Liam’s eyes drop to the floor, and he slides Louis’ debit card off of the table and into his hand. 

“Thanks for this,” He says quietly, and Louis gives a nod. “I’ll be back in a bit.” He turns to leave awkwardly, Louis giving him a single, awkward wave when he looks back from the doorway, before shutting the door on his way out. 

Louis perches on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees and puts his face in his hands. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, but he only lifts his head once he’s sure Liam’s long gone, and stares at the ceiling for a long moment.

He gets up slowly after a few moments of letting his mind spin, before settling on his knees in front of the bedside table, tugging the drawer open. 

It hasn’t been too long since he’s opened it, but if he’s going in there it’s usually with a specific purpose, so he hasn’t ruffled through the contents since… About four months ago, he supposes, when him and Danielle broke up. 

Taking inventory with careful eyes, he can see why he’s avoided it for so long. There’s a red dildo, rolling towards the front with the momentum of the drawer opening. It’s about six inches long, and narrow, and realistically shaped, and Danielle was the one who pointed it out one night when they were browsing an online store. It had advertised that it was specifically for introduction to anal, something Louis had been suggesting he was interested in receiving. 

He feels his chest clench with a wave of nostalgia. It’s hard for him not to look at it and remember the first time she used it on him, the first time he’d ever had anything in him that wasn’t fingers.

There’s other things here or there that were just for her; a few vibrators with something to stimulate her clit branching off of them, a jar of clit sensitizer that drove her crazy, a few different bullets they’d tried out, and he swallows dryly looking at her favorite one, before letting his eyes slide past to the other things. 

He figures Liam probably noticed the handcuffs first. They weren’t the pink fuzzy kind, although they’d dabbled around with those until they snapped unexpectedly one night, the two of them laughing breathlessly and spoiling the mood. The second set they purchased were black, and the cuffs were wide so it didn’t hurt to strain against them, and they closed with buckles. Overall, they were nicer, and without fail each time they had done something with them either him or Danielle had expressed how grateful they were the old pair had snapped. 

There’s also his fleshlight, standing out like a sore thumb, his first and only toy before Danielle came along. It’s the easiest thing for Louis to look at, though, because it’s his and just his. 

He shuts the drawer after that, scrubbing a hand over his face before standing up, taking a steadying breath, swallowing down the memories, and getting on with his day.

He runs to Starbucks after getting dressed, brushing his teeth, and fucking around with his hair for an inordinate amount of time. He leaves himself unshaven, sort of in the habit of enjoying his patchy stubble for a few days before shaving it. He drinks his coffee at one of the small round tables the cafe has clustered outdoors, soaking in the warm L.A. sun and trying to keep himself distracted, flicking through his different social medias absentmindedly, hoping that by the time he gets back home Liam will already be there and have miraculously forgotten about the whole ordeal. 

He’s not so lucky, though, and when he gets home Liam isn’t back yet, so he microwaves a slice of pizza from the delivery they’d gotten last night and takes it into the living room, settling down onto the couch and flicking through whatever was on television. 

American talk shows entertain him for a bit but his mind keeps drifting back to the confrontation, giving himself the play-by-play over and over, beating himself up for how he handled the situation. Why was he so angry? Why was he so embarrassed, like it would be a total shock to Liam if Louis had some sex toys? His yelling was just the icing on the cake, not able to forget how startled Liam looked. 

His thoughts snowball until all his muscles are tight with anxiety, until he’s not able to relax into the cushions of the couch, and at that point he stands up, gathering his dirty plate and taking it to the kitchen, rinsing it off before setting it in the sink. He decides to unload the dishwasher, keeping his hands busy while he sets aside Freddie’s bottles and stacks plates carefully, and as he’s loading his arms with as many plates as he can balance he hears the front door close. 

“Hey,” Liam comes into the kitchen, grabbing a glass out of the cabinet and taking it over to the fridge. Louis preoccupies himself with setting the stack of plates carefully in the cabinet, hearing the beep of Liam pressing settings on the fridge door before he hears the tinkling of ice falling into the glass and the soft pouring of water.

“Hey.” 

“Did you get me anything?” Louis turns around, confused, before he sees his paper Starbucks cup sitting on the island.

“Oh. No. I didn’t know when you’d be back.”

They eye each other from opposite sides of the kitchen, Liam sipping from his glass of water by the fridge, Louis leaning awkwardly against the dishwasher. 

Liam can’t hold a grudge like Louis can, and Louis can see it written all over Liam’s face: the uncertainty, the awkwardness, his curiosity. They both love the feeling of relief when a fight’s done, but Louis’ always admired Liam’s willingness to push things in that direction. In this moment, watching Liam gauge where Louis’ at, he wonders if maybe this time Liam won’t be so eager.

His heart sinks when Liam sets the glass down on the counter, heading for the living room without a word. Sure, Louis wasn’t sure he was ready to explain everything, but he still loved when someone put effort in to find out, and instead now he felt his chest squeeze with disappointment. But he decides to follow, giving Liam a chance to get situated before he exits the kitchen, making his way into the living room and settling himself down on the opposite end of the couch, careful to keep his legs tucked in so there’s no point of contact between them.

Liam’s already gotten the remote, and turns something from one of the netflix series he’s been trying to work through on. Louis watches passively, not really invested, and takes to flicking through his phone instead, answering a few emails and texting Niall trying to get a feel of when they’d be in the same area next.

His attention is piqued when the room is engulfed in sudden silence. 

“So,” Liam starts, and when Louis looks up he sees the television on pause. 

“So.” Louis says, his voice gruff, and he clears his throat awkwardly.

“You know,” when Louis looks up, Liam is staring wistfully across the room at the view outside the window. “I don’t care if you have sex toys, Louis. I really don’t.” He shrugs, Louis’ eyes working over the strong line of his shoulders. “You’re the one who made it weird. I know I shouldn’t of pried, and I’m sorry, but you’re the one who needs to explain.” 

Louis can’t help but heave a sigh at that, clicking his phone locked and setting it on the coffee table. “I suppose.” He says, admitting defeat before he decides to roll with the sentence, “I suppose it’s hard because… Well she,” He tries to sift through his brain for the most streamlined explanation.

“Danielle?” Liam looks at him then, finally, and Louis nods.

“She was the first person who was interested in, uh, me being bisexual, I guess.”

Liam’s forehead creases at that. “What? All of us were interested when you came out to us, Louis, way before Danielle. You could’ve talked to any of us-”

“That’s not what I mean.” Louis cuts him off and Liam stops in his tracks. “I mean with Eleanor, I had just figured it out. So she didn’t say much. She said as long as I was attracted to her, I could be whatever I want. She was always supportive, y’know. But Danielle, she…” He pushes his hair out of his eyes. “She started asking me things. Like, ‘so have you ever been with a guy’ or ‘what would you want to do with a guy’.” He can’t help but huff a laugh at the word ‘guy’, the American word fitting weird in his mouth. His cheeks threaten to heat up again, even though he’s only talking to Liam, who’s watching him with a kind expression. “This sounds so lame,” He manages weakly.

“It doesn’t.” Liam says, and Louis’ feels some of the anxious butterflies in his stomach settle. He flashes Liam a quick smile, pushing his fringe off to the side of his forehead.

“It does to me. But anyway, so, she was the one who suggested we start buying all that stuff. The red dildo, uh, was supposed to be for first timers with anal, and so she pointed that out, and we used that, and it was my first time with that kind of thing,” He laughs nervously, “and the rest of it, we were just having fun, and it’s a bit lame but I didn’t have any of that stuff before she came along.” He shrugs, “she was just a lot more experienced with things like that, more than I was when I was twenty-two, at least, and yeah.”

“I still don’t…” When Louis looks up from where he’s digging his toes into the couch cushion to Liam’s face, he can see that he’s not understanding. “Her being the first person you used them with, I don’t get the big deal. Lots of couples buy that together. I mean, I have some things from me and Sophia, it’s really not an issue.”

“You have sex toys you bought with Sophia?” Louis cocks his head with a smile. “You never mentioned. But I guess the big deal is that we broke up so fast,” The words come rushing out of him, the thought having nagged him since day one but he’s never dared to admit it. “It feels really shitty, to have all these things that were special with you and this one person you loved, and our relationship ended so fast, and I moved on even quicker. Sometimes it feels like I left her for you, y’know? Do you ever think about how fast me and you happened after her?” He can see Liam doing the math. “I feel guilty, looking at everything we did together. I feel fucking shitty. Plus, what do I do with all of it now? She should have taken some of it, that would’ve made it easier.”

Liam nods, and Louis can see the understanding start to break through. “Yeah, that makes sense.” He says quietly, more to himself than to Louis, and Louis bites at one of his nails. “Maybe it’d be easier if you threw out what was hers? It’s not like there’s a way she can get them now, unless you mail them to her.” The two of them both have a laugh at the thought, and Louis feels the bad mood that’s been hovering over them start to dissipate

“That’s a start, I guess. Cheers,” he says, forlorn, and decides to stretch out over the length of the couch on his side, his head cushioned by a throw pillow and his socked feet landing in Liam’s lap. Liam grabs his ankle lightly, his thumb caressing back and forth. 

Neither of them apologize but everything feels resolved, and Louis tugs a throw blanket from where it’s folded neatly on the back of the couch and drapes it over himself, his eyelids feeling heavy despite the coffee he’s had, and lets himself drift off.

//

Liam doesn’t push the issue after that, but the need to clean out Danielle’s things nags at Louis’ to-do list up until a week and a half after their conversation, when he’s lounging about, bored, and every possible thing he could be doing has faded away. He’s answered every relevant work email, done the laundry and recorded the demos he wanted to send to a few artists, and Liam’s not home but in the studio, and that’s when Louis realizes if he doesn’t get it done it’s going to tug at the back of his mind indefinitely.

His bedroom is eerily quiet when he goes upstairs, the lack of a fan running making the silence in the room almost stifling. He strains to hear if somehow Liam’s come home in the few minutes it took for him to take a piss and make it upstairs, but the house is silent, so he leaves his bedroom door open, makes his way to his bedside table, and sits down cross legged in front of it.

He takes a deep breath before pulling the drawer open. He knows this is going to be straightforward, and he eyes the contents quickly before he starts pulling things, setting them down on the floor beside him.

Once he’s gotten the obvious things out of the way, however, he starts to hesitate. He picks up the jar of clit sensitizer before wondering if it would work on him or Liam, and sets it back in the drawer reluctantly, deciding he’ll google it later on.

He thinks maybe the handcuffs should go, but he does quite enjoy them, and although he’s never asked he figures Liam would probably be up for using them, so he sets those back too, before rifling through other things. 

There’s a few vibrating bullets, and Louis knows if he doesn’t toss them Liam’s going to be confused, but Louis’ actually found a good use for them, and he’s terrified of being in the middle of a wank when one stops working so he keeps most of them, setting aside the few cheaper ones that never met Danielle’s standards.

The only thing that takes long contemplation is his red dildo. He pulls it out, the silicon wobbling as he rotates his wrist, examining it. It could use a cleaning, dust particles having stuck to the rubber and Louis too careless to have a case or a bag for it, but after some internal arguing he puts it back, having some odd feeling of attachment to it. It didn’t quite have the girth he needed to prep for Liam anymore, but he always enjoyed using it alone, and the satisfaction he feels at seeing it among his new, smaller collection tells him he’s made the right choice.

When he’s finished he feels the swell of pride in his chest at having finally got it done; he collects the items he’s decided to toss in his arms and makes his way downstairs to the kitchen, dumping them in the garbage, laughing at how ridiculous all of the colorful toys look sitting in the garbage can. 

“Louis?” He hears Liam call from a different room, and his whole body startles. 

“Shit, Liam, when the fuck did you get home?” He follows Liam’s voice to the living room.

“Sorry. Thought you were taking a nap.” Liam shrugs, seemingly unbothered at Louis’ shaken state, and hits the remote to pause whatever he’s watching. “Have you gotten lunch yet? I’m starved but I figured I’d see what you’re doing first.”

Louis feels a flutter in his chest at the implication Liam wouldn’t let even his own hunger wake him. “I haven’t had anything. Do you want to order in?”

Liam contemplates for a few minutes. “I’m craving a burger, actually.”

Louis nods, his stomach stirring with hunger at the thought of some hot fries. “Sounds good. But you drive. I hate afternoon traffic.” 

“I don’t wanna drive,” Liam whines, “I just got home.”

“Then do postmates!” Louis huffs, exasperated, flopping down on the couch and kicking his feet up on the coffee table, displacing a few magazines. “So needy, Liam, I swear.” But when he looks over he’s smiling, and Liam is too, already tapping away at his phone with their orders. “And, uh, I wasn’t napping,” he adds after a moment, Liam still focused on his phone, “I was cleaning out Danielle’s things.”

Liam raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything while he’s still entering their order. When he’s finished he clicks his phone locked, and sets his hands in his lap. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“So I can go in there without you freaking out?” Liam jokes, and Louis throws his head back with a laugh. 

“I mean, not that I’m going to go through your things when you’re not around,” Liam tacks on, but he’s grinning, the two of them feeding off of each other’s happy energy.

“No, it’s fine, really,” Louis rests his cheek against the back of the couch, his eyes never leaving Liam, “You’re free to peek. I guess they’re… Ours now? Is that how it works?” 

Liam shrugs. “They’re yours, I suppose, so you get to decide.” 

“Then yeah,” Louis sighs.

The air in the room feels like it’s vibrating with something good, something Louis can’t put his finger on. He knows it’s coming from Liam and his trip to the studio; there’s something about clearing the muck in your head by writing it down and shaping it into a song while at the same time having a productive workday that instantly boosts either of their moods. There’s something about him that’s at ease, slung easily over the couch, smiling in confusion every time he glances over at Louis staring at him, and Louis is drawn to him when he’s like this.

“How long till the food gets here?” He says, nonchalantly, lightly resting his hand above Liam’s knee. 

Liam shrugs, his attention back on the episode he’s taken off pause. “Dunno.” 

“Dunno,” Louis mocks, sliding his hand further up, eager for Liam to get the hint.

Liam furrows his eyebrows together with a confused smile. “You’re pretty wired today, Tommo.”

“Too much coffee, maybe,” Louis shrugs it off, his hand coming up to Liam’s inner thigh. Now that he thinks about it, he had ordered a stronger brew in preparation for all the work he needed to get done this morning. 

Liam gets it then, when Louis’ pinky finger starts to tease at the inseam of his jeans, and he places his hand on top of Louis’ before removing their hands gently.

Louis pouts. “C’mon,” He puts his hand back, “You know you want to.” 

Liam laughs, removing his hand again. “I’m so hungry I can’t even think straight,” He laughs at Louis’ doubtful expression, “after we eat, yeah?”

Louis smiles, mollified, and leans forward for a kiss. “That works,” He says after Liam gives him a quick kiss and turns his attention back to his show. 

Louis should probably retreat to his side of the couch now that he’s not trying to advance on Liam, but he’s enjoying the feeling he’s getting from every small point of contact between them, so he presses his side against Liam’s insistently, folding his legs up on the couch with him.

If Liam’s confused he doesn’t voice it, instead stretching his arm over the back of the couch so Louis fits under the crook of his arm nicely. It’s not the most comfortable position, Louis’ lower back starting to ache from trying to keep him balanced, but he ignores it in favor of soaking in the good mood they’re currently in.

When the food comes they decide to eat in the dining room, the tabletop making it easier for both of them to spread out their various burger and fry containers, and Louis realises just how hungry he is when the food’s spread out in front of him, and he eats generous servings, him and Liam eating in comfortable silence for the most part. 

“I’m stuffed,” Louis says finally, stretching his arms above his head and feeling his spine pop. 

“Same,” Liam agrees, but he’s still working on his fries, and Louis snatches one out of jealousy that his are all gone. Liam doesn’t protest, just eyes him wearily. 

“C’mon, c’mon,” Louis grabs a few more fries and gestures with his other hand for Liam to eat faster.

Liam finishes a long sip of his fountain drink before breaking out in a grin, laughing. “Why are you so eager? You’re acting like you’re sixteen.” 

Louis scoffs, “excuse me, Liam, I resent that!” He pops another fry in his mouth, Liam having abandoned them, instead balling up his burger wrappers and dirty napkins. “I like to think that age hasn’t ever dimmed my sexual performance.”

Liam frowns in mock seriousness. “Certainly not your performance. Your drive, I was only hoping.” 

It’s Louis’ turn for a cheeky grin then, thoroughly enjoying their easygoing banter, and Liam just shakes his head, amused, and takes care of any of the trash leftover on the table.

// 

Louis makes it to the bed first, Liam detouring to the master bathroom to pee, and Louis takes care of his shirt and pants quickly, leaving only his underwear on, and climbs onto his side of the bed, stretching his legs out and resting his hands behind his head.

Liam comes out a moment later, giving Louis a quick onceover while he strips away his shirt and jeans, and once he’s settled onto his own respective side they lay in silence for a second.

“Can I look?” Liam says, finally, and it wasn’t what Louis was expecting. 

“In the drawer?” He says, confused, and Liam nods. “Oh. Yeah.” 

“Sorry,” Liam laughs, “I know you’re eager. I just really want to see what’s in there now.” He sits up, leaning over Louis and sliding the drawers open. The warm skin of their stomachs brush and it makes Louis squirm.

“So…” Liam lets his voice trail off, low and suggestive, and Louis feels his stomach clench with a heavy mix of uncertainty and anticipation. “What feels the best?”

He looks over at Louis then, and Louis flounders for words for a quick, rare second, his mind remapping how he had planned their fooling around in his head, before he cranes to look in the drawer with him.

“Uh, I would have to say, probably…” Louis looks everything over. “The handcuffs are nice,” Liam’s looking at his face instead of the toys and Louis swallows thickly under the appraisal, “and the bullets, I use the most.”

Liam hums, looking at the items Louis pointed out. “Any bullet?”

“Ah,” Louis reaches in, grabbing a metal one that’s cold to the touch, presenting it to Liam, his heart pounding, “this one’s nice.”

“Interesting,” Liam murmurs, clicking the button at the base, the bullet whirring to life. Louis licks his lips, and Liam looks up, catching him. “What do you do with it?” He clicks the toy off before closing the drawer, climbing off of Louis until he’s kneeled next to him, and hands the toy over.

Louis stares at the bullet in his grip for a moment before stirring to life. “I, uh,” He sets it on the bedside table so he’s able to lift his hips off the bed and pull his briefs down, his half-hard dick exposed in the daylight streaming through the curtains, and he kicks them off the rest of the way, a flick of his foot sending them in the vicinity of the rest of his clothes on the floor. 

He gets over the initial vulnerability of being naked but not fully hard, spreading his legs apart just slightly, adjusting his back against the pillows until he felt he was at his best angle to put on a show, his mind catching up with where Liam was going and eager to show off and try to get the upper hand. He grabs the bullet from where it’s resting, clicking it on and gripping it in his right hand before sliding it down between his legs. 

Liam’s watching his hand as he presses the bullet against his rim, dry, the cool sensation of the metal mixed with the vibrations pulsing through him sending shivers down his spine. “Just like that,” Louis whines out, back arching, thighs clenching, satisfied when Liam looks up at his face; his eyes are wide in amazement and dark with want, and Louis curls his toes, letting his eyes flutter closed for a second, relishing in the relentless spark that’s firing up his spine from the vibrations.

“Is it in you?” Liam asks, and Louis opens his eyes when he feels Liam lay down on the bed next to him. 

“No,” Louis croaks, pulling the toy away, his skin still tingling, “just pressed against me.” Liam’s hand smooths over his stomach, warm and comforting, and Louis unclenches into the touch.

“Can I try?” Liam asks, and Louis catches the edge of nervousness on his voice. It’s barely there, but something Louis’ an expert at picking out, and Louis nods, pressing the toy into Liam’s palm when Liam stops touching his stomach. 

“Yeah, ‘course.” Louis reassures him, closing his eyes and letting himself relax into the duvet. 

He jumps when he feels the metal against his dick, Liam not having clicked it on, but Louis is quick to relax into the feeling, thrumming with the anticipation of feeling the vibrations work through him. He’s fully hard now and desperate for any contact he can get, and when Liam doesn’t turn it on Louis thrusts up, the slide of it giving him the smallest spark. 

“You’re okay with it… Higher up?” Liam sounds hesitant.

“I’ve used it there, yeah,” Louis encourages him, his voice gruff, and he thrusts up again, sighing when he brushes against Liam’s hand. “You’re fine, you’re fine.” 

Liam turns it on then, and Louis can’t stop the groan that rips through his chest, low and quiet but still there, and Liam works the toy over his shaft methodically, teasing up and down in long lines but never letting it get farther than the ridge of his head.

He’s not sure if Liam’s avoiding his head out of uncertainty or to tease, but Louis’ brain feels like it’s short circuiting, not able to properly process the waves of pleasure from the vibrations while at the same time aching for more. “Up a bit,” he hopes that verbalizes it well enough, his eyes shut tight and his hands clenched tight in the sheets.

On the next line up Liam lets the tip catch on the ridge of Louis head before making it over, sliding it right over his slit. Louis’ leg kicks out involuntarily as the vibrations make his whole body shudder. “That’s it.” His voice is strained, and he hears Liam’s breath catch, another shudder working through him, piggybacking off of Liam’s pleasure. 

“Can you come from this?” Liam murmurs low in his ear, and Louis clenches his eyes shut tighter, trying to keep some semblance of composure.

“Never tried it,” Louis says, breathless, opening his eyes to the bright bedroom, blinking. Liam pulls the toy away, clicking it off and setting it aside, and Louis looks over at him, chest heaving. “I usually wank and use it to amp it up.” 

Liam nods, understanding. Louis sees his eyes fixate on his hair and Louis smiles, reaching a hand up to smooth it out, surely ruffled from the pillow. 

“Do you want to come from it?”

Louis takes a few more deep breaths, coming down from the edge, hands coming to rest on his stomach. “Nah,” He says finally, feeling his stomach rise and fall quickly. “I’d much rather have just you.”

It’s an answer that pleases Liam immediately, and Louis knows it was the right thing to say, the uneven flush that’d spread down his chest deepening with Louis’ response.

“You sure?” Liam grins, leaning in for a kiss, and there’s nothing soft about it, instead the tension between them already ramped up, the kiss hot and wet and messy in the best way.

“‘Course,” Louis chimes, getting a hand into Liam’s hair, and they kiss for a few drawn out moments before Liam works his way down Louis’ neck, the soft press of his lips making Louis squirm as they make their way over the top of his shoulder before Liam nips at him. “Ow.”

Liam sits up from where he’s been laying next to Louis, pushing himself up onto his hands and knees and slotting a thigh between his legs, and Louis can’t stop his sharp intake of breath when he realizes Liam’s taken his underwear off, their dicks sliding together, and he’s pleased when he realizes Liam’s just as hard and wet with precome as he is.

“This good?” Liam asks, and Louis nods as Liam leans down to slot their lips together again, supporting himself on his elbow, Louis gasping into the kiss when Liam gets a hand around his dick and gives him a firm stroke. 

Louis follows suit, getting his hand between their bodies to wrap around Liam, and the two of them fall into an easy rhythm of panting into each other’s mouths while stroking each other fast. 

Louis feels like he’s definitely at a disadvantage, having been pushed so close to the edge with Liam’s teasing, but he’s not too worried about holding off for too long with the way Liam starts fucking into his hand, Louis rutting up against his thigh instinctively, their movements working together in some sort of messy synchronicity to pull both of them close to the edge together. 

“Oh, fuck,” Liam breaks the kiss to pant low in Louis’ ear, and Louis feels his dick jump, Liam stroking him even quicker, both of their knuckles bumping together almost painfully, but Louis’ too preoccupied to care, instead focusing on twisting his wrist just the way Liam likes it on the upstroke, the awkward angle sending a twinge of pain up his wrist, but it’s worth it for the way Liam groans, thighs shaking, and starts kissing messily below Louis’ jawline.

“Liam,” Is all Louis can choke out when Liam slows his pace, the absence of constant contact all over bringing the tension too high for him to focus on anything else, his hand stilling, but Liam doesn’t call him out, instead tangling his other hand in Louis’ hair and giving it a tug.

It’s not a hard tug, Liam too preoccupied to be able to get into it, but it’s all Louis needs, and he comes with a surprised noise, dick pulsing in Liam’s hand before he feels his come start to spurt onto his stomach, Liam stroking him lightly while Louis rides the wave of his orgasm, his muscles clenching tight, the hand that isn’t loosely wrapped around Liam clenching the sheets hard. 

As soon as he comes down, shivering and his mind fuzzy, Liam starts to roll off of him.

Louis stops him, letting go of the sheets in favor of resting his hand on Liam’s hip. “Don’t,” Louis pleads, and he’s able to start jerking Liam off again, Liam moaning and positioning himself back above Louis. “It’s fine,” Louis has to clear his throat, but he can tell Liam gets the message, nodding into his shoulder. 

Louis gets back into the zone he was in before his orgasm, stroking Liam fast and twisting just right, but Liam’s more reactive to it than before, hips jerking forward so he’s setting his perfect pace, his body stilling when everything seems to slide together just right in perfect moments. 

“Good, yeah?” Louis says into Liam’s hair, the shaved side rubbing against Louis’ cheek with each thrust. Liam hums out an agreement that hooks into a whine at the end, and Louis smooths his hand up Liam’s back.

“Ah, Louis,” Liam gasps before Louis feels his dick jump in his hand along with the warm drip of come, and he changes to long, easy strokes so he doesn’t overstimulate him. “Louis, Louis, Louis.” 

“There ya go,” Louis soothes him through it, his hand still going until he feels Liam start to recoil from the contact. 

Liam rolls off of him then, flopping over on his back, and Louis curls up on his side facing him, the two of them breathing heavy and looking each other over.

“That was good, right?” Liam says after a stretch of silence. “I wasn’t, like, overstepping anything with the toy, right?” 

Louis smiles, blissful from his orgasm, and shakes his head. “Nah, I liked it.” 

Liam looks relieved. “Noted.” He grabs the bullet off of his bedside table and turns it around in his fingers before handing it to Louis to put away. 

Louis looks down at his stomach, splattered with come too dry to wipe off with the tissues he keeps by his bed, and sighs. “I really don’t feel like showering.” 

“I need a nap,” Liam whines, and Louis nods in agreement, somehow able to force himself to sit upright, the dried come pulling his skin uncomfortably tight as his belly folds in on itself. 

Liam follows his lead, the two of them somehow able to make it into the master bathroom and remain standing on weak legs long enough to wash their bodies and towel off. 

When Louis comes back into the bedroom he strips away the duvet, careful to fold it in a way so he was able to see the small section that had various splotches of come dried into it, and pulls a spare comforter from a drawer in the walk in closet, spreading that one out over the sheets before sliding underneath it. 

Liam comes back with a glass of water, gulping at it determinedly before setting it aside and climbing under the sheets with Louis. 

“I always liked this one best,” Liam confesses, running his palms over the fabric covering them. 

“I know,” Louis says pointedly, “But the other one matches everything.” 

Liam shrugs, his shoulder sliding against his pillow, before rotating onto his side, facing Louis. 

“You know,” He starts, and Louis stops looking around at the matching decor in the bedroom and meets his eyes, “I’ve been thinking about what you said, about how you moved on so fast from Danielle and you feel sort of… Guilty about it?” 

Louis nods.

“And I was just thinking, you know, when you really look at the time between me and her, it is sort of close, yeah. But did you really leave her for me?”

“No.” Louis says without missing a beat. “We were done in our own way. I mean, I had told you before me and her broke up that I wanted to date blokes next. But I mean, you know better than anyone that we- me and you- we happened so fast once we realized we liked each other, but we weren’t there when the breakup actually happened. So, no, I didn’t leave her thinking ‘I’m gonna go right now and confess my love for Payno’. I didn’t even, we weren’t even…” 

He doesn’t have to finish his sentence, but Liam understands, like always, nodding. He looks far away, Louis assumes reminiscing on the awkward and angsty period of their friendship that was leading up to his breakup with Danielle, when he was in need of serious emotional support during his grief, he was going to Liam for relationship advice weekly, and was slowly getting an inkling of a hint that maybe every talk between friends didn’t need to end with an intimate cuddle. 

“I think that you should let yourself off the hook.” Liam says finally, bringing Louis back to the present moment. “I think that if you know in your heart that you didn’t leave her for me, you should realize you were going through a really bad time and you deserved to be happy still. I know what you’re gonna say-” He says when Louis opens his mouth to speak, “-You’re gonna say, ‘oh but she was there for me’. But does it really matter, Louis?” Louis goes to say yeah, it really does, but Liam plows on, “Because isn’t everybody in your life supposed to be there for you when you go through something as serious as that? Isn’t that all-hands-on-deck? It was for us, at least.” and Louis’ heart clenches at us, the fact that he automatically knows us means the boys, his best friends, and a wave of sadness washes over him when he realizes he hasn’t seen Harry or Niall in months. “Just because you went through something awful and she was there for you doesn’t mean you have to, like, marry her or anything. That’s kind of the bare minimum of what you do when someone you care about is having a tough go. Do you get what I’m saying?” He doesn’t wait for Louis to respond. “Please, try to let it go.”

Louis lets Liam’s words sink over him. He doesn’t know if it’s as easy as that, simply ‘letting it go’. He wonders if maybe Liam’s underestimating how much emotional labor Danielle put forward on Louis’ account; The nights spent holding him while he cried, the visits to the hospital that drained him for the rest of the day, his inability to engage in any serious intimacy because he was so physically and mentally drained between grieving, being there for his sisters, being a father to Freddie, and all the travelling fulfilling those things required. A lot of the time he feels as if he literally put Danielle through hell, despite her insistence she loved him and could handle everything just fine. But he understands Liam’s overall message, and scoots closer to him, Liam welcoming him into his arms. 

“Thanks,” Louis says into Liam’s shoulder, and Liam tightens his arms around him, and despite the fact Louis is not one who’s able to fall asleep in someone’s arms usually, hot breath and sticky skin and an inability to sprawl out making things uncomfortably hot and restricting, he dozes off easily, although he’s aware Liam’s still awake, his arms unyielding. 

//

**Author's Note:**

> [ tumblr. ](http://adidas-daddy.tumblr.com)


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